THE ROUSTABOUT HEART
Adventures in Recovery
Mary Killian is a grateful alcoholic and addict in long-term recovery. Originally from the Bronx, New York, she devoted herself to drugs and alcohol for many years, getting clean in 2001 and staying that way. One day at a time - so far, so good.
Mary currently lives in Charlotte, North Carolina - in a blue house with turquoise shutters. She is friendly and enjoys a high quality rap session. In her free time, she likes to type, play the piano and eat cheese.
The Roustabout Heart is her first book.
I tell myself I am at peace, especially when I feel restless. "Damn it. I am at peace!"
By saying the words, however ludicrous, I am clearing a mental path. I bring my mind a little closer to that soothing place, where I can be calm in my heart.
"I am at peace."
I am not the relaxing type. I need to practice doing this thing that does not come naturally. Until I get as close as I can to what I think I should be feeling. Some kind of gentle relief, I guess. That sounds nice.
I turn my discomfort into a devotion. I want the Lord to know I am trying. With God by my side, I have faith I will arrive when the time is right.
And until then, I just keep praying that I stay cool.
I love talking about my recovery. It's my favorite topic in the whole world. Being sober is the most important thing in my life. All the other neat stuff I know and enjoy depends on this commitment.
I have wonderful friends, a solid marriage and a happy, healthy family. I believe in my heart that I deserve these privileges. My relationship with God is strong and beautiful. I've got dreams and goals. These are all huge developments.
I'm okay with letting folks know the details of my experience. I like sharing my feelings. I am hopeful and proud of the person I'm becoming.